A Thanksgiving List on Birds

It’s that time of year again, so let’s talk about birds!

  1. Turkey: n. A large winged vertebrate that lays eggs and tastes delicious. Also, apparently, not halal.
  2. Turkey: prop. n. A country on the border of Asia and Europe, south of Russia, north of Iraq.
  3. Turkey: n. A three strikes in a row in bowling.
  4. Turkey: n. slang A useless, dense, ineffective, clumsy, gullible, or dimwitted person, possibly prone to accidents. Derived from the behavior of the domesticated versions of the above vertebrates (see #1).
  5. Turkey: n. slang A box office failure.
  6. Wild turkey: n. A non-domesticated variant of #1. Prone to territorial violence, even against humans. True story: I saw one loitering outside a 7-11 in Brookline, Massachusetts, directly under a “No Loitering” sign. Wild turkeys just don’t give a shit about the rules.
  7. Wild Turkey: prop. n. A brand of Kentucky bourbon whiskey that brings out violence and tomfoolery.
  8. This bird is so high he can see your molecules vibrating.

    This bird is so high he can see your molecules vibrating.

    Bird: n. A winged, feathered vertebrate that lays eggs and usually flies, though not at the same time. Class: Aves.

  9. Bird: n. According to Urban Dictionary, a brick of cocaine. Unknown origin, though perhaps the snowy owl?
  10. Bird: n. The word. Papa ooh mow mow.
  11. Bird: n. slang Chiefly British, a girl or young woman. Ex: “Oi, mate! That bird’s chewing denim.”
  12. The finger, the bird, the one-finger salute, the finger wave, the middle finger.

    The finger, the bird, the one-finger salute, the finger wave, the middle finger.

    Bird, the: n. A gesture considered rude almost universally. Means, “Fuck you,” because it indicated what you would like to do with that finger. Generally, though, most people don’t actually want to do that to the person, and the gesture is telling them to fuck off, get fucked, or is giving them a visual demonstration of how to go fuck themselves. This gesture is generally considered a cousin or even derivation of the primarily British two-finger salute, in which the middle and index fingers are displayed, palm facing the saluter. There are many theories on the source of the two-finger salute, but none of them, including the chopping off of the fingers of archers, hold much water. Chances are its origins lie, as do many things, in sex.

  13. Birds, the: prop. n. An Alfred Hitchcock joint. If memory serves, birds to make an appearance at some point.
  14. Bird, Larry: prop. n. A basketball player for the Boston Celtics during the ’80s. He was pretty good.
  15. Byrds, the: prop. n. A band from the ’60s, notable for their song “Turn! Turn! Turn!” from the album of the same name.
  16. B1-RD: prop. n. No, not a character from Star Wars. An ultralight kit aircraft produced by Robertson Aircraft Company. About as safe as it looks.

Anyway, I think I’ve run this one into the ground. I always like to be proven wrong, though.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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