Saintly Bumbling

In 300 years, if you were to be named the patron saint of X, what would you like X to be? Places, activities, objects — all are fair game. — Daily Prompt

To Whom It May Concern in the Saints Department:

Saint Anthony may be the finder of lost things, but you’re neither lost in the woods nor mired in the swamp. You don’t need his help. Everything you ever wanted is clearly indicated on your map, your compass is true, and the bright, neon lights of the place you’ve always wanted to be are visible from space–and you’re still wandering around the woods, poking at things with sticks and drinking poison tea with old witches who live in gingerbread houses. You’re definitely not lost.

Sure, there might be some who would say, depending on their leanings, that you’re lost spiritually or psychologically, and you might even echo it back to them. They’ve found success, or are walking confidently down the highway toward its luminous beacon. “Come with us,” they’ll say. “Be happy.”

“Absolutely!” you say. “I can’t tell you how happy I am that you showed me this bright, flat road to the Big Time!” But all you can think of is the gingerbread house that had been bulldozed to make room for the highway. The witch, then homeless, had sighed, put on her last clean pantsuit, and slouched her way down the highway. Now, all that’s left is the memory of some very tasty tea. You know that nearby there’s an evil warlock who lives in a hole in the ground and makes a very toxic cup of coffee, but it just isn’t the same.

So you walk in the ditch on the side of the road, knowing that eventually the woods will call to you again.

Sure as sunlight, there needs to be a saint to guide you through the brambles and thickets, so I formally tender my application for Saint of Bumblers, Screw-ups, and Wayward Rogues. Should that position be filled, I also have a skill set appropriate for the position of Saint of Wicked Witches and Invincible Warlocks.

Thank you for this opportunity to become part of a diverse and dynamic team.





  1. I imagine that there would be some small medallion one could wear to Saint Emmett, but unlike Saint Anthony’s medallion, the image of you would be half out of the frame, or facing backwards.

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